The headline for The Chemical Brothers’ press release reads:
“THE CHEMICAL BROTHERS ANNOUNCE FIRST LIVE NATIONAL TOUR IN 5 YEARS!”
That sort of stuff gets a Chemical Brothers fan excited. So you scroll down and look for your favorite venue on the list and–wait, wha? Aftrer five years of live hiatus, the Chemical Brothers have managed to muster up the energy to play SIX CITIES??? Even better, four of those shows are in TWO states (California and New York, natch)???
You call that a “national” tour? Of which nation? Califork?
Sorry, Michigan. Due to the fact that your draconian car industry bred Michael Moore–who then made all of us liberals look like we need heavy medication–The Chemical Brothers no longer consider you part of America.
Sorry, South Carolina. It’s kinda cool that you gave the world Chubby Checker and “Shoeless” Joe Jackson, but then that pretty gal in the blue dress went and ruined your chances. Chemical Brothers say: you’ve been removed from the U.S.
And as for you, San Diego, you’re L.A.’s bitch. Always have been, always will be. Drive north, young electro-head.
A band should not be able to call it a “National Tour” unless they’re hitting at least 27 states–more than half the country (and at least one tiny, quaint town must be included. The sort that counts “kitschy refrigerator magnets” as a major export.). But maybe the Chemical Brothers, being British as they are, think that the United States is a quaint island in which the villages of New York and California cover 90 percent of the land.
Whatever it is, it ain’t no national tour. Call it “ONLY THE CITIES THAT MATTER TOUR.”
THE OFFICIAL DATES:
Sept 21 New York, NY Hammerstein Ballroom
Sept 22 Brooklyn, NY McCarren Pool
Sept 24 Chicago, IL Riviera
Sept 26 Denver, CO The Fillmore
Sept 28 San Francisco, CA The Concourse
Sept 29 Los Angeles, CA Nocturnal
