What to do with Evel Knievel’s remains
Rumor has it, Knievel wanted his remains set on fire and launched across the Grand Canyon. That’s pretty cool, but I’m sure friends and family can think of something a bit more up to par with Knievel’s accomplishments in the world of daredevil feats.
Here are my suggestions:
1. Cremate him then send his ashes to CNN. Make sure to include a white, powdery substance inside the envelope and the word “Anthrax” stenciled in black somewhere outside. Not your traditional flaming-hoop type daredevil trick, but ballsy nonetheless.
2. Send his body, intact, to Chernobyl. Lets find out if those over-sized wolves and other freaky radiated creatures really exist. Talk about brave.
3. Send his coffin to Condoleezza Rice with a note that says “Iran is taunting you” tacked somewhere. Rice looks like a pitbull — frankly, she scares me, but I know Knievel could handle her.
4. I’m going to stop now. I just heard a voice from the back of my head yelling, “Stop! It’s not cool to turn death into something funny, you insensitive youthful-but-not-for-long bitch.”
Dead Evel Knievel v. Condi Rice? Hmmm.