What’s up, Man?
A moment ago, I opened my RSS reader and saw these four consecutive headlines from the San Diego Union-Tribune:
Man beaten, robbed in La Mesa
Man trying to stop carjacker is stabbed
Man shot, killed in Lincoln Acres
Man killed by own car in San Diego
Who is this Man? Rasputin? I feel bad. It sounds like he had a really shitty, The Hangover-quality weekend.
Further down my RSS reader, I find these three headlines from the North County Times:
Group holds fundraiser
Group collects donations
Group awards donation
That sounds like the plot of a children’s book authored by a grant-writer, Run, Non-profit, Run. Nevertheless, it’s good to see people being generous with their money despite the economic climate.
Then, even further down, I find out that earlier stuff with Man was just what happened on Saturday. Reported yesterday:
Man shot at Logan Heights restaurant
Man stabbed at Oak Park Popeye’s
So, I’m trying to work this out logically. Man goes to Popeye’s in Oak Park, gets stabbed and, because he’s still hungry, he goes to Logan Heights for a bite… and gets shot.
But then he’s car-jacked and shot and stabbed again. No, there’s more to it. Maybe someone’s after him, like in an action film. Yeah, the dude is being chased by the mob or a black ops team. Wait—he ran himself over in the end. I got it: they cut his brakes.
OK, so it’s the mob. Or maybe the IRA. Anyway, if the news reported on it yesterday, why wasn’t he put under police protection?
I know what we need to do. We need to ask the Group to raise funds to help people like Man.
pretty much that is the jist of all reporting by UT editors. The story is: something happened. Some where something happened by someone at sometime during the week.
or when they try harder: Injured worker in San Diego.
Wow, that was informative…..not!
Even CNN did a report the other day with one, short, on-camera quote about how recent, pioneering multiple kidney transplants were “logistically, very complicated.” That was IT. It was like a joke Onion story or something.
Man, he gets around
Man and his dog shot in Hollywood Hills home invasion; four arrested
Man killed, woman wounded after being shot while crossing Monrovia street
Man arrested for allegedly uploading ‘X-Men Origins: Wolverine’
Man attacked by two pit bulls in Encino
But wait, Ricky — at least two of those were blog posts, so they weren’t *really* in the LA Times, right?